Monday, February 14, 2011

trite: a rant

This deployment has been a series of peaks and troughs, wavelengths of high and lows that have at present left me exhausted and at times indifferent. I started this blog because I wanted to see the transition of what would become of me and I see that nothing has changed except that I am still the same emotional mess I was when I began. Except now, I have forgotten what is important to me.
I wanted to conserve that piece of myself that missed my life back home. I wanted to preserve myself from missing my home--my family and friends and way of living. In doing so, I fear I have become but a shell of indifference. A robot, a golem, a machine who has replaced loving and the feeling of being loved with work and projects and minutiae of day to day activities.
My day is filled to the brim and none of it fills me. Nothing fulfills me and it has almost become a torture to see pictures of the Bug because I know that when I talk to her, I am irrelevant too. Life goes on at home while this Neverland keeps me preserved in a formaldehyde jar of day to day crap.
Work, study, homework, run, and there's no room left for emotions, there's no room left for love, there's no room left for my human side because allowing the human side to take over would destroy me.
I was hoping to update posts with silly drawings and comical illustrations. But today, this is all I am--trite.


  1. Nonsense. Well written and poetic nonsense.
    I know very few people as full of life, love, and a general 'joie de vivre' as you.
    Right now your life may be revolving around the minutiae of you job on the surface; but you are, as you will always be, so much more than that at your core.
    You are a loving wife. An amazing mother. A compassionate friend. A tireless entertainer. A studied intellectual. A selfless provider. A courageous woman... You are Eva the Great.

    Every experience offers SOMETHING. Get what you can out of this one, and remember that your circumstances cannot change you any more than you allow.

    You are relevant... you are wonderful... you are loved.

  2. I can't believe I'm allowing you to outdo my writing in a comment. That was the perfect post for Valentine's Day. I have nothing else to say except I wish we could write a book together. I heart you too.