Sunday, April 10, 2011

On dreams, memories, and death

I haven't dreamt about my sister in a long time. When she died, I would dream about her at least once a week. Then the frequency of the dreams waned until just now I realized that I haven't dreamt about her. I'm beginning to forget the sound of her voice. My memories of her have begun to fade, like the dissipation of cigarette smoke. All that's left is a sense of longing and regret.

Is forgetting a way for our mind to heal? Is the loss of memories a numbing salve for our brain? We hurt and after time we forget. All that's left are scars from the past. But scars fade with enough time, and given enough time, so do memories. I fear that my memory of her is fading as the years go by. I'm rambling and with enough emotion, my writing suffers. But I need that emotion. I need to remember her, no matter how much it hurts. I need to remember her because if I don't, then she'll really be gone.

It's time like these when I actually wished I believed in the afterlife.

1 comment:

  1. You'll never really forget her.

    "Why is trying to forget someone you loved like trying to remember someone you've never met?"